Who here knew McDonalds was just one major artist co-sign away from being the hottest hypebeast apparel brand in the streets? It used to be that the only resemblance they had to Supreme was the supreme diabetes you’d get consuming any of their menu items. But now Travis Scott has brought all of his Fortnite-playing, TikTok-addicted hypebeasts over to McDonald’s to make us all resent the wealth gap even more.
What’s better than paying way too much money for a pair of Mickey D’s house slippers? Paying even more for a life-sized chicken nugget body pillow, of course! It won’t be long before Bryce Hall or some other creative genius is dipping the pillow in a kiddie pool of barbecue sauce and smacking innocent bystanders with it for clout.
This is the first deal of it’s kind since Michael Jordan partnered to bring his own meal to the McDonald’s menu, because everyone knows Jordan’s secret sauce to success was imitation burgers. Rumor has it, the potent GMO’s in McDonalds food was the double negative that cancelled out that horrendous hangover he had in the finals… I mean cured his flu or whatever his alibi was, I’m not researching that bullshit.
The only thing less appetizing than a $6 meal from McDonald’s is the fact that they actually tried to force some kind of come-up story on us. Travis says his order hasn’t changed since Houston. Really Travis? Are you fucking okay? Bro you can start eating real food now, we like your music we don’t want you to die over some McMillions.
The Travis X McDonalds merch was sold out almost immediately. I pray to God that this is due to young entrepreneurs that thought they could do their part in phasing out the idiots in our population by bleeding them dry of whatever monopoly money they stole from their mother’s purse.
I’ve actually decided to carry a bottle of barbecue sauce on me just so I can squirt it on hypebeasts I see wearing this shit in public. I’m just going to tell them that it “adds character and that vintage sort of authentic feel” and see if I can charge them like $100 a squirt for my artistic vision.
In all honesty, the Travis deal is great. In an age where we’re all pretty much beholden to these monopolistic companies, you’ve gotta take what you can get and start building what you can from it. All I’m asking is that we don’t get carried away. If I have to eat a fucking Tekashi crunch wrap, I’m going to buy 60,000 units of Bieber and Arianna Grande merch myself just so that Tekashi can’t afford to eat anymore.r
Also please God, take it easy on the Jorts. 2020 has been rough enough.